Yes, you read the title correctly. For some reason, I’ve been feeling really pissy the last few days. Not overtly angry, just a low-grade, pervading irritation. I’ve been edgy. I’ve been getting bugged by people at the grocery store. I’ve been snippy with my kids and my wife. Your basic prickly pear.
It’s not that I am feeling overly pessimistic or depressed or anything. It’s been more of a mild “bleh” with life’s ups and downs—a little black rain cloud in my head. My gut tells me it is probably a combination of recent bitter cold weather, impending holiday to-dos, over-scheduling, a career opportunity in limbo, and a current (but temporary) low checking account balance.
I decided to share this for two reasons. First, I want to make it abundantly clear that despite how it might appear from reading my blog, I do not have it all together. I do not have all the answers. I am by no means an expert, or a guru, or whatever. I’m just a man. I struggle with my own demons every day like everyone else.
Second, I can see the situation for what it is: I have been thinking crappy thoughts. Perhaps too many (which is another thought in itself). And crappy thoughts create crappy feelings. Because that is how the human system works. As Michael Neill often says, “We live in the feeling of our thinking.”
We usually think it operates the other way around. We think outside influences cause us to feel bad or good. But in reality it is our thinking about those events that cause us to feel bad or good.
And the best part of it all is that, knowing the inside-out nature of our understanding, I know that it is only a matter of time before new thoughts will arrive and bring with them new feelings. I don’t have to do anything or force myself to be positive or chant happy mantras or anything.
I can just be how I am for now. And wait.
Honestly, I feel a little less pissy even having just written this.